When you hear the word "shame," what picture comes to mind? It's a question we don't often ask. Usually, we try to avoid thinking about shame at all costs. Few things compare to this visceral, painful emotion of fear and disconnection.
Even though we don't enjoy contemplating it, it's critical that we understand how to combat and defeat the painful enemy called shame.
Brene Brown's interviewees described shame this way:
"Shame is that feeling in the pit of your stomach that is black, dark, and hurts like [anything]. You can’t talk about it and can’t articulate how bad it feels because then everyone would know your ‘dirty little secret.’
Shame is being rejected.
Shame is feeling dirty, unwanted, and unclean.
Shame is feeling like an outsider—not belonging.
Shame is hating yourself and understanding why other people hate you too.
Shame is like a prison. But a prison that you deserve to be in because something’s wrong with you, you’ve done something bad or you think something bad or you feel something bad.”
Devastating, noxious, consuming, excruciating, filleted, small, separate from others, rejected and the worst feeling ever.”
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.” (Women and Shame, pg. 15)
Curt Thompson adds, "Shame is the fear of disconnection, the fear of abandonment." He says that shame "anticipates abandonment while simultaneously initiating movement away." (Soul of Shame, pg. 72)
Shame is one of the most important weapons that the Enemy uses to disconnect us from God and from one another. Because of its strategic importance, it was important for me and my team of creatives to find metaphors to describe this painful emotion and the healing God provides.
As we embarked on the journey of creating a video on this painful subject, a courageous team of individuals chose to dive with me into the contents of Curt Thompson's book, Soul of Shame. Together, we agreed upon a powerful metaphor to describe shame: a blizzard.
Like a blizzard, shame swirls around us, blinding and confusing us. Biting like sleet, shame makes it difficult for us to think clearly.
A snow storm downs power lines and disconnects people from life sources. In the same way, shame literally disconnects the neurons in our brains and makes it difficult for us to turn towards God, our life source.
During the Kansas blizzard of 1886, a surprisingly warm winter turned into an unparalleled winter squall. Buried in feet of snow, Kansas residents froze to death just a few feet away from their warm homes. In the same way, shame disorients us with its suddenness. Buried alive, we don't recognize the nearness of God's love and the richness of relationships that are available to us.
Have you ever felt the sting of reheating frostbitten fingers? We might be tempted to stay numb rather than experience the pain of rewarming. But if we don't revive our frozen fingers, we'll experience permanent damage. In the same way, turning towards God and others when we are in shame is painful. It's certainly less comfortable than staying numb. But in the long term, we need to turn towards God and others in order to avoid long-term damage.
The warm fire of Jesus' love melts shame, providing a permanent answer for our guilt and pain.
Grateful for ideas and metaphors, we still faced the challenge of creating a realistic winter scene in the middle of an unpredictable Kansas winter. After looking at weather predictions, reaching out to theatre organizations, and researching snow machines, I finally settled on mixing up gallons of fake snow. That evening, I carefully imitated the look of winter trees as I practiced decorating the nearby pine tree with snow.
For days, we experimented with many methods of snow storm simulation. Dumping, sifting, and shaking snow on each other just didn't create the look we were hoping for. Finally, we landed on a practical option: each of us would take turns blowing the dry, fluffy fake snow in order to create a nonstop blizzard.
On December 2, 2019, the filming took place. An excellent team of helpers banded together to create swirling snow, while excited children took turns playing with it on film. We ended the evening around a roaring fire, drinking hot chocolate as we recalled the warmth of Jesus' love for us.
This video experience, inspired by real-life pain and shame, had turned into a wonderful evening of community and collaboration. Many times in the future, I would return to the video for a poignant reminder of the love and refuge available in Jesus.
As you watch the finished video, remember Jesus' unparalleled love for you. His death takes care of your sin, pain, and shame. His love allows you to use your own painful experiences as an inspiration for art and creativity. Jesus can take the deepest places of pain and turn them into honor and beauty.
Want to know more about letting go of control in relationships? Learn what an ostrich taxidermy drone can teach us about relationships and acceptance.
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